This is your PSA on Unicorns

A little while ago I was told the truth about unicorns and I haven't posted about it yet because it's left me a little shattered. (I know, to have your dreams shattered by a 2 year old is kinda mind blowing, huh?) Pictured below is exhibit A. (That's right Keller, I'm outing you) One of the sweetest looking (he's deceptive like that) little boys who has left me seeing the world through a new (broken and terrified) lens.

OMG. Stop bragging about your mom Keller. We all know she's hot okay? Geesh, someone has to rein this kid in.

Anywho, one day Mel (Keller's mom, the hot one) and I were working with Keller on his sounds, (i.e. "what does a horse say?") and I thought I would throw Keller a curve ball and trick him into telling me about unicorns (he's a child so he still gets the 411 on the status of unicorns, you know the whole innocent bit). So I asked Keller "what does a unicorn say?" and without hesitation he answered "nom, nom, nom, nom". I. Was. Shocked. My entire life was ruined in one second. I always wanted a unicorn but I suddenly felt a wave of relief that I never got one. This was followed quickly by nausea because oh crap where are the man eating unicorns!?!?

And then he looked at me like "oops, I just said too much" and then started talking animately about his chocolate milk. You didn't fool me Keller. And the kicker is that he knows he's safe, HE can see unicorns so he can escape. He just told and adult that she's screwed. Dammit.

Thanks a lot kid but you know what? You're. Getting. Older.  So I'm thinking that instead of being vigilant for the Zombiepocalypse we actually need to be vigilant for the Unicornocalypse (I'm still working on it). I mean we can actually see zombies but unicorns? Once you're an adult, not so much. They can keep goring you with their horn just to be really sadistic.

I even tried looking up unicorns with the phrase man eaters. But it's so well hidden that this was the best (and closest) answer I found. And it's not even close. The unicorns are still hiding behind the man eating sharks. Way to go sharks, give shelter to the unicorns.

Oh wait. I just found this, so I guess someone else is trying to get the word out too.

UNICORNS. Be super vigilant y'all, because Keller's just going to laugh while we all get eaten.