So every day I try to do the crossword (it depends on how busy I am) and right across from the crossword is an advice column. I think it's Ask Amy but I apparently don't pay enough attention to the byline. Anyhow the other morning there was a lady complaining that other women call her "sweetheart" or "darling" or the like and how that really annoys her because she is a strong independent woman and somehow this belittles her in her eyes. I'm not trying to devalue her opinion but I do disagree with her. Or maybe it's not her so much as the advice columnist (who is entitled to her own opinion too) who agreed with the reader and likened people that use these terms to a waitress she know who picked up the habit of calling complete strangers she waits on these terms. And apparently the waitress is trying to stop because she knows it's a crappy thing to do and it devalues people. (I'm so inserting my own opinions there)
I mainly disagree because I am a person that calls people 'love" and "sweetheart" and "darling" and it's done as an endearment. First off though certainly I don't call you those terms if I don't know you (or at least have talked to you enough to know you even if we've never met). And secondly you're taking terms of endearment (let's just go with from people you know) and putting a meaning into them that isn't meant. You're letting those words take your feelings of a strong independent woman and turning them into what? A codependent? Simply by taking a very nice term (we're also assuming it's not being said sarcastically for this study) and giving it the power to make you feel like less. You are a strong independent woman because you are. No one can take that away from you unless you let them.
And also because I love whimsy I love to give people nicknames.This is how you know I like you. You get a nickname. I try to meet people's preferences and so a few are just known by me. But dude, I like you, you get a nickname.
Also as a total random side note Isaac loves to tease me about saying dude all the time. I know, it's incongruous (apparently) to have a preppy white girl just throwing around the word.
And another side note, word I like to really use lately.
Apparently
I know
dude
3 comments:
i always feel very special when someone calls me by a nickname or "love" or "sweetheart." unless i've woken in some man's bed and i can't really remember who he is and i can tell he can't remember my name either. then, not so much. dude, where's my nickname.
To some people, calling them by a pet name is demeaning or infantilizing. With the people known and dear to me, I have no issue with pet names or nicknames. However, with strangers I do not welcome the presumption of immediate familiarity. Calling strangers or casual acquaintances, "Honey" or "Sweetie" can also (and usually incorrectly) send a signal that says, "You're not important enough to have an individual name."
This is especially true in healthcare and was the soap box on which I would stand during inservices with the direct care staff in SNFs. Calling patients/residents by nicknames is only appropriate if and only if the resident has expressed comfort with such casual address. This is much easier to gauge with long-term residents as opposed to short-term patients.
Outside of a healthcare setting, the same principles hold true for me. I prefer to be addressed first in more formal manners and then as rapport is established it is appropriate to relax and develop nicknames as the relationship evolves.
I was reading JCM's comment and I totally agree about strangers versus friends using nick names. And I say Dude all the time!! Love it! I think "Rad" needs a comeback. :)
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