So I'm going to ruin this for you.

Okay so you know how last year women put their bra color as their facebook status to show support for breast cancer awareness? Apparently this year it's going to be relationship status = some sort of alcoholic beverage. (Note to self: it would be funnier if it was relationship status = some sort of alcoholic) Anyway I won't fully spoil it and tell you all of what equals what.

I just want to talk about beer. I say this because married = beer. Really? Marriage is so not beer. (Reversely engaged is Champagne, that's all I'm ruining) Okay so some of the microbrews maybe, because they're awesome. But I'm going to go with the assumption that it's Bud, Miller, vitamin H etc. I get it, ha ha. This is analogizing that marriage is just run of the mill. If you feel that your marriage is run of the mill then you've kind of given up. If anything marriage should be Champagne because you should put your best forward every day (still totally being yourself of course) because you obviously love this person so much you married them. You agreed to be around this person every day for the rest of the days you are alive. And not just around them but happily around them, because you chose this. Marriage is work people. So, just so we're clear.

Why I think < and > just needs to be one symbol

So here's a little math lesson for you.

this < means less than
while
this > means greater than

No need to applaud, I know I'm your greatest hero.

Both of these symbols drive me crazy. Because:

this side means the larger number, thing, etc. > while this side is the smaller or lesser of the two.

Or a better diagram that I don't have the patience to make, it came from here (see below).

Why!?! If the eating side (I found the time to make this one because it's funny) always means it's the bigger number. Why do we have to do the flippy flippy?

If someone could explain this to me I would be grateful because right now it seems really dumb to flip it over to mean the opposite when the open end always means it's the bigger number.

Okay, after writing this post and thinking about it (especially that last sentence) I get it. I still think it's stupid.

This is your PSA on Unicorns

A little while ago I was told the truth about unicorns and I haven't posted about it yet because it's left me a little shattered. (I know, to have your dreams shattered by a 2 year old is kinda mind blowing, huh?) Pictured below is exhibit A. (That's right Keller, I'm outing you) One of the sweetest looking (he's deceptive like that) little boys who has left me seeing the world through a new (broken and terrified) lens.

OMG. Stop bragging about your mom Keller. We all know she's hot okay? Geesh, someone has to rein this kid in.

Anywho, one day Mel (Keller's mom, the hot one) and I were working with Keller on his sounds, (i.e. "what does a horse say?") and I thought I would throw Keller a curve ball and trick him into telling me about unicorns (he's a child so he still gets the 411 on the status of unicorns, you know the whole innocent bit). So I asked Keller "what does a unicorn say?" and without hesitation he answered "nom, nom, nom, nom". I. Was. Shocked. My entire life was ruined in one second. I always wanted a unicorn but I suddenly felt a wave of relief that I never got one. This was followed quickly by nausea because oh crap where are the man eating unicorns!?!?

And then he looked at me like "oops, I just said too much" and then started talking animately about his chocolate milk. You didn't fool me Keller. And the kicker is that he knows he's safe, HE can see unicorns so he can escape. He just told and adult that she's screwed. Dammit.

Thanks a lot kid but you know what? You're. Getting. Older.  So I'm thinking that instead of being vigilant for the Zombiepocalypse we actually need to be vigilant for the Unicornocalypse (I'm still working on it). I mean we can actually see zombies but unicorns? Once you're an adult, not so much. They can keep goring you with their horn just to be really sadistic.

I even tried looking up unicorns with the phrase man eaters. But it's so well hidden that this was the best (and closest) answer I found. And it's not even close. The unicorns are still hiding behind the man eating sharks. Way to go sharks, give shelter to the unicorns.

Oh wait. I just found this, so I guess someone else is trying to get the word out too.

UNICORNS. Be super vigilant y'all, because Keller's just going to laugh while we all get eaten.

Why the British are actually Pirates...

1. They call all their friends mates.

2. It's an Island.

3. They write piratey drinking songs.



Okay, so she's from New Zealand but that's an Island too and I'm pretty sure that's a good indicator that you're a pirate.


4. Apparently they start them out young because they even dress their babies as pirates.