American Dream?

Bigger, Better, Faster, More... Isn't that the motto we are raised with?

I have to say that I have been having a tough time (mentally) lately. I know I have a good job and Isaac does too but I still feel like I'm falling short. I know I have a lot and I know that I am blessed. But... Then I look around at some of my friends and I see that they have houses and better jobs, etc. I currently struggle and I know I'll always struggle with materialism. It's all around me, especially where I live and I feel like I'm always trying to catch up. But I also need to be better at realizing that I don't need to be a part of the race. To stop myself and slow down and see all this stuff for what it is, stuff.

I think a part of it is too that I need to accept and fully realize my potential. I need to be my own advertiser. After all if no one else believes in me who will. I have to say that where I currently work is really helping me on this front, and I know on my own I've come a lot farther than where I was a few years ago. But I know that what I currently do (even though I like it a lot) is not what I am going to do for the rest of my life. I also feel like I should have gotten to where I need to be (aka where I want to end up) sooner. I know that life is a journey and I'm making my own path and nothing is right or wrong. And I know it's ridiculous that I feel like I have to have everything figured out and to have it all now. My mother would call this my need for instant gratification but I know it's not. It's more that I want to feel like I have accomplished what I need to and to feel like I fit in with my peers.

On another note, I'm thinking of growing my hair back out and since it's naturally curly to make a vow to myself to keep it that way everyday. Any thoughts?

Enumclaw

So this weekend Isaac and I were in Enumclaw (pronounced e-numb-claw) doing a "show". No one really ever knows what I mean when I say that so I thought I would post on here about it so people get a better picture of what it is we do. Isaac decides through the year what shows he wants to do and then we go through the whole rigamarole of getting everything ready, setting it up and working. I like doing a show but it takes a lot out of us because we also both have full time jobs. It takes about a week before hand to get everything ready in the evenings and even then we don't always take everything we would like to.

Then we go to the show and we have to be there early to start setting up by 7am to be ready by 8am. Then there usually is a lag time of about an hour. All of this is prefaced by getting up at 5am to be ready to leave by 6am because we usually do shows that are about an hour away from us. I have mixed feelings about the lag time because it does help us if we have things we need to get done but at the same time we've been up since 5am and the street fairs are usually open anywhere from 8-10 hours. You have to be at your booth the whole time, well at least one of you. And then there is the breaking down and going home and unpacking. We just got done with two days of this. Not that I'm complaining but after two 16 hour days of being "on" I'm rather tired. Street fairs are a lot of fun and getting to see a lot of the small towns in Washington is really cool. I really like to see all the people that know each other as they meet on the street, it goes on all day long and it's really cute. It makes me want to live in a small town.

flying eggs

So this weekend I went grocery shopping, which isn't anything out of the ordinary. However, I bought eggs and as soon as I got them to the car I kept knocking them around. After I did this several times I kept thinking to myself that I was going to break them. After all I was having one of my clumsy mornings. So I get home and I start walking up the steps with my groceries in hand. I was wearing flip flops and the front of my flip flop grabbed the bottom of the step and needless to say I went flying... with eggs in hand. But you know what? None of them broke and I was so sure that they had. I an now amazed at the simple but effective construction of egg cartons. I still need to make that angel food cake though.

Oh and as a side note, I slept in this weekend (8am) and Finn (my cat) got so pissed at me he chewed 2/3rds of my FM radio antenna off my alarm clock. I woke up after he did it so I couldn't punish him. Some days...

Supply and Demand

I just want to start out by saying yes, I love babies. But can people PLEASE stop asking me if I'm pregnant, going to be pregnant in the near future or when I am going to have kids. If you know me and know me well you know I adore children, and they like me pretty well too. Yes, I know I've been married for a few years and I'm able to have children but that doesn't mean that I want them yet. I will make this promise though, that by the time I'm 30 everyone can start asking if I'm pregnant but please give me until then. So like another year and a half, m'kay?

I kind of feel like it's been a long time coming and it feels like it's an underlying current in a lot of my conversations. I'm not saying that I mind talk about babies and I've had a lot of funny conversations about babies (and with). I just feel that people over the past year or so have been coming out of the woodwork asking me when, if, how soon, how many, etc. And I mean even people I don't know. I agree babies are exciting and oh so fun, but I need to be ready after all I (okay, well Isaac really since he's a light sleeper) will be the one getting up in the middle of the night with them. I will be dealing with them when they are crying, etc. I know that parenting is rewarding and challenging and I am excited to become a parent but I'm still mulling it over in my mind. It's a huge undertaking and I want to think through all that I would be getting myself into. Also I want to make sure that I can provide my children with everything they need (emotionally and financially), and that's the scariest part. I don't feel like I can yet and I know I may never get to a point where I feel that I can but I at least need to get comfortable with that. I think that's my biggest hold up.

I find it funny that I wasn't even this cautious about marriage. I think the difference for me though is that I will be shaping a child and in marriage you're marrying a person that is/should be pretty formed in their ideas and values. I know that whom ever you marry will change as they grow as a person but that's different. They have set and are setting the path for their life (you obviously have influence) but with a child you have absolute influence. Your spouse will make decisions on their own and children especially small children have to have decision made for them and I don't want to screw it up.

So that's my rant. I don't want anyone to think that I don't want to talk about babies or my future with babies. I just don't want to be put on the spot as to when I will be giving the world one and all the aspects that come with that. As for now the only babies I have say mreow and they don't even listen to me that well. :)

Lazy days of summer

So summer has stayed, finally. I know that we will eventually move away from the Seattle area but the weather in the summer will be one thing I'm going to miss. It rarely get's over 85 which is perfect AND I can swim. Everywhere else these days gets wayyyy too hot. I just need to remember to enjoy it and appreciate it while I live here.

Either I need to change my name or my shirt... Do I look like a Nancy or a Linda?

So I have found another new artist. Her name is Brooke Fraser and her album is Albertine. It's more of a Christian bent which is always nice and uplifting and she doesn't get too preachy. I am listening to it as much as I can but that's pretty common for me when I get a new album. She has an amazing voice to boot.


I also want to mention a comic I read by Christopher Baldwin. It's called Little Dee and the website is www.littledee.net. It's a very cute and endearing comic and I've been reading it for a few years now. He also posts a blog under the comic and he has started a comic about his life lately (there's a link on the page) and since I feel like I kinda know him (but not really) I have enjoyed reading it. I also think it is courageous of him to put his life out there like that. I know it's just snippets but I really enjoy reading it. I should also mention that I think he's extremely talented.

Okay, I'm off. Have a great day everyone!

My ship has come in

Figuratively though, I don't own any ships. Isaac and I finally got some reimbursements last night that we've been waiting on for oh, like 5 months. It was weird that we got them all at the same time but we also don't check our mail that often...

So last night Isaac and I went and saw Wall-E. It was cute and scary. Scary in the sense that I can see humanity getting to the point portrayed in the movie. It's made me focus on all the resources I use, and how I can use less. I know I am good about it but I need to be better. It's a never ending battle.

The heat is biting me in the butt. I know, I know, I wanted it for so long but now I am so tired because it's so hot at night and I'm just sort of fake sleeping. I wish for A/C only a few days a year and these are it. The upside is swimming and I've been doing that as much as I can.