I knit.

I remember the first time that my grandma introduced me to knitting. I'm pretty sure I was around 8 or so and I even remember the house they were living in. I don't remember if I asked her or she asked me if I wanted to learn or if I was just being obnoxious and she wanted some way to occupy me (probably the last one). She sat me down in her chair and gave me a piece that she was working on (I think it was a scarf) and showed me the knit stitch. I remember how amazing it was that I was able to take that ball of pastel pink yarn and transform it into something. The funniest part is that apparently I taught myself the purl stitch (there are only two stitches in knitting and purl is the other one) because when my grandma came back I still remember her exclamation of "Oh, I see you learned how to purl." At the time all these words didn't mean anything because I still didn't really know what I was doing, I just remember how amazing it made me feel. I however, did not pick it up right away again. I mean when you're eight years old it's kinda hard to have enough money for needles and yarn when no one else in your immediate family knits and your grandma lives about 1,500 miles away.
I picked up knitting again after college. I was living in Eugene and I worked next door to a yarn shop. I remember passing by and always being enchanted. I remembered the knit and purl stitches well enough but I didn't know how to cast on. So I went in one day, bought some yarn and needles and had one of them teach me. I remember meeting resistence because I was left handed. They were nice enough about helping me but it was like I was a foreign animal and being left handed was all it took to stump them. So then I made scarfs because I was basically shown I was unteachable due to being left handed. During this time I moved up to Seattle and I had many more yarn shops to choose from but I didn't really try to learn how to knit from anyone else. I was still gun shy from being treated like I was unable to be taught to knit. So I kept buying yarn and books and making scarfs. Okay, you can only take making so many scarfs until you just want to shoot yourself out of boredom. I still loved knitting so I tried to teach myself from the books I had bought. This was super frustrating because it didn't work. I didn't have enough know how and was nervous to ask, so I stopped. I stopped buying yarn and knitting needles. I stopped entirely.
Then through the magic that Facebook is Jilian found me. We became friends in high school and as life goes we lost touch. Jilian is a rather accomplished knitter (thank you partially to her mom Karen) who had been around knitting most of her life if not all of her life. Jilian made me feel like I could knit. That somehow being left handed didn't make me some sort of enigma and completely unteachable. She did it with such a grace and sweetness that I was immediately comfortable. She taught me other cast-ons, what a gauge swatch is and why it's SO important (even though it's a pain in the you know what), and she piled me with resources and patterns. It also helps that there are now so many tutorials online (one example) that show you what to do if you get stuck. But best of all she got me started again. Thank you Jili, your friendship and (knitting) guidance means so much to me. I'm very grateful that we became friends again.
I have recently learned how to knit in the round, use double pointed needles, ribbing and I am going to try cabling soon. I don't feel like there is anything I will not able to learn with knitting. I'm just going to do it my own left handed way. :) I also have to say that Isaac has been very sweet about it. He's always been so supportive and willing to do what he can (if anything) to help me (aka. go yarn shopping). He asks me about projects I'm working on and gets excited about the progress I'm making. Now if I could just get him into yarn shops, well actual knitting would help too.
Perhaps the funniest thing that Jilian has intruduced me to (well, knitting related) is the Yarn Harlot. She's so frickin' hilarious and an amazingly fast knitter. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go add to my stash.

Finally.

This explains how I work to all the people that think I "know" computers. I guess I do but I'm willing to work for the answer. I took this from Burton who took it from xkcd.

Bigamist

So apparently I got married this weekend. I know what you're thinking but I am the victim here. In fact this is still so shocking to me I can barely believe it. I woke up to the proof of it Sunday morning, pictured below.




As you can see it's on my right hand. I just keep telling Isaac that his grandmother gave me a piece of her costume jewelry and laughing nervously. My new husband who I call Hank (apparently his full name is Hankadalberto) thought it would be respectful to Isaac (as if) if he put it on my right hand so he wouldn't have to take off my current wedding ring. His mother Linda (pictured below) I know is the culprit. Just look at her laughing it up knowing that her whole plan was coming together.



Susie (my first mother in law) told me later that she heard Linda mumbling to herself saying things like "my little Addy (yes that's apparently what she calls him) and Sari" and "a match made in heaven". Susie thought it was strange but not totally abnormal for Linda. I'm surprised I even made in on Linda's radar. After all I'm not Italian and their family is like 100% Italian. Also Linda's mother called me an imbecile, so I'm a little afraid to spend time with her. But apparently Italian mamas get what they want and Linda was hellbent on having me for her son. I'm expecting my full immersion course with Linda's mom (I jut hope her opinion improves of me) soon. I don't really know what I'll tell Isaac since I know I'll be locked away in a condo in Portland until I can at least fake being 100% Italian. So soon I'll be speaking like I'm from the mother country or the Bronx, I'm not sure yet. I will also (according to Linda) be able to make, gnocchi, ravioli, tortellini, and pasta sauce with my eyes closed. I just hope Linda's mom doesn't try to knead my belly.

I still don't know how I'm going to become accustomed to my new double life. I guess I'll be living the Italian life with Hank when I'm not living the American life with Isaac. The details are sketchy. The last I knew I was at Isaacs grandma's 75th birthday party and then next thing I knew I was waking up with that rock on my finger. I knew something was up when Linda kept handing me drink after drink swearing it was water. She's also making up this fantastical story of how I offered to be her daughter in law. Or really, to listen to her I was begging, in front of Isaac no less! I just know she had it in her head that somehow once I became her daughter in law we could have slumber parties where we iron our hair. I really have to introduce that girl to a straight iron. Hello, 21st century?

Not to mention I haven't even met Hank! I only know his first name, the last one is a little fuzzy. I mean how much can I really remember when Linda gave me enough sedative for a Kodiak? I've received one e-mail from him (apparently he's shy, I knew Linda was behind it) where he talked about how he really wished he would have been named Giacomo (I mean really, Hankadalberto?) but it's a little late now. That's how I found out that I'm going to be holed up in Lindas mom's condo. He said he was really sorry but he thought I was cute and that he thought that he would to quote him "grow on me". Hmmm, I don't know if that really sounds very promising.

So I'm in a pickle, but I know I'll find a way out some how. Just look at poor little Susie (pictured below with Linda) she didn't even know it was coming.

Good, good, good

So this past weekend I finally got to see Mary. One of my best friends, it just sucks that we normally live so far apart. However the upside to it is that's how I got to see Paris with Mary as my travel buddy. But I digress. She currently lives in Eugene because her husband Matt is in the Air Force and he is has been stationed in South Vietnam for the past year. He gets home on Sept. 1st Horray! Coincidentally that's Isaac's birthday. So when Matt gets home they are moving to their new base in Santa Barbara, CA. Leaving us both with the only way to see each other is by flying. So Mary drove up from Eugene and I drove down from Seattle and we met at Cannon Beach. That's 3 1/2 hrs one way for each of us. (Apparently we both really wanted to see each other) It was great to see her boys Taylor and Aidan and even though they didn't remember me they were very sweet and warmed up immediately. They held my hand walking, Aidan let me assist him to the bathroom so Mary could eat her lunch and they even asked me to chase them around on the beach squealing the whole time. It was amazing fun. Below are a few pics from that day. Mary was unlucky that she had to make the drive back that night, I was super lucky in that I was able to crash at Isaacs grandmas' which is only an hour and a half away from Cannon Beach. I'm so glad we both drove as we probably get to see each other about once every two years.

Missing

So yesterday was my mom's birthday. I didn't do anything even though I remembered. I (a while ago) decided to not speak to her again until (if ever) she gets herself sorted out to have normal and healthy relationships with those around her. While part of me feels incredibly guilty the other part of me knows this is how is has to be. I am tired of feeling guilty and like I am a bad person due to whatever it is that she says about me behind my back because I do not conduct myself in a way that she finds appropriate or complimentary to her.

My major grappling point is that she's my mother. So the part that feels guilty is trying to tell the other half to grin and bear it. To still love her in her sickness and to continue to reach out to her. To be the better person. My issue with this is that it is chosen behavior. She sees nothing wrong with how she is and therefore no reason to do anything about it. Any attempts I've made to even broach the subject ends in an all out attack by her on me. Another part is that it doesn't do any good. She's going to twist the situation around any way she can until she is the winning party. I have struggled for so many years with this and it's totally futile.

It's beyond frustrating how she can switch to different facets of her personality. Unless you are a part of her immediate family you don't ever get to see all the facts and compare them. So her public face is awesome. If I knew her public face I'm sure I would want to be her friend. I can't tell you how many people have told me how lucky I am to have her as a mom. At those precise moments with ever fiber of my being I want to turn to them and make the offer for them to take her off my hands. But I don't. It doesn't make sense to them and it would reinforce what an ungrateful child I am.

Ever since I have come to this decision to not participate I have had a strange feeling come over me. It's like I'm orphaned and while it makes me sad and angry I know I can't do anything about it. I am also so very grateful for all the women I have in my life that are mother figures to me. It's just not the same. Part of me feels really bad for saying that because these are really great women.

Part of me is totally over it because I can't continue a losing battle and I can't continue to let her degrade me in a totally passive way. (I think that's why it was so confusing as a child, she had my older sisters and I say the mean stuff to each other for her) And the other part I think just needs time. I've done plenty of growing up on my own in the past couple of years and I'm still working on it. I think the guilty part just needs help on days like today.

I would also like to say that I know how incredibly lucky I am. No one's life is fair. I totally get that and I know I'm not the exception to the rule. I also know that plenty of people have and have had it way worse than I do. I count my blessings, and I am grateful for them.

Conversations with Isaac Part II

I: Your car won't start. How do you start your car?
S: You turn the key. (confused because all cars start the same) Are you sure the battery isn't dead? You probably should call AAA.
I:You're a lot of help. (sarcastically)

In the moment it wasn't very funny (for either of us) but looking back it totally makes me crack up every time I think about it. I love it, how do you start your car. Classic.

I like his sense of humor.

William Fitzsimmons is amazing. Go listen.

Sheesh. I'm so driven by music it's sad.